MY ELDER BROTHER THREATENED TO CASTRATE ME

Today the 15th of July remains ever memorable in my life as it connote the moment my elder brother Akpanke threatened to castrate me.

It was his last Exams on the West African Senior Schools Certificate Examination (WASSCE). Preparations were on ground to celebrate the day. WASSCE exams was so prestigious and well regarded then. Students were proud of it not like now that students bagged their uniforms to avoid being noticed and wear it only in exams venue.

My elder brother and friends started their preparations to celebrate but was cut short by the arrival of the exams supervisor and mobile policemen who served as security to avoid and arrest students involved in examination malpractice. Since our house was so closer to the school,they just ran to the school and hid their goodies .

While in the exams,Our neighbor who rear chickens started looking for his pot. Then it was a era of communal life hence we were so free to use each other belongings . He searched every nook and cranny without seeing the pot,he extended the search to our house and found the pot in my elder brother's room. He opened it,the heat that came out of there was capable of "cooking one's enemies". Alas rice and chicken inside. He sent for me and my twin to do justice to the rice. We ate comfortable and invited our neighbors. Brethren that was the beginning of why this day still remains memorable.

My elder brother had finished the last exams and jubilate home with full appetite. We started singing kuuuu anakwu!! (A lot of chicken in the stomach) repeatedly. He didn't understand since he was comfortable of his pot of rice location. His countenance soon changed as he stepped out of his room looking confused, can a pot of rice disappeared? Maybe that ran through his mind. He stood dumbest not knowing who to ask,of course its difficult to ask such things.

He called my name Zedicus Piro! Zedicus Piro!! I ran and hid under my bed,that was my safe spot. Power holding Company of Nigeria (PHCN) brought light after weeks of blackout. I unconsciously joined others to shout NEPA from where i hid,that was how he bundled me out.

"What are you doing here"? He asked,I replied "am celebrating NEPA arrival". He ordered me to shut up, "you're celebrating NEPA arrival under the bed eh, by the way what's the meaning of "Kuuu anakwu", i smiled,bros i haven't heard of that word since i was born till this moment, what language is that ,Chinese ?
My brother got angry, "tell me who ate that food"? What food i asked in return? "Shut up zed,tell me who ate that food or i will castrate you". Ah castrate?,my head formated as i remembered how someone was castrated by family member in the horror home movie i watched the previous day. 

"I knelt down,bros ah abeg, don't castration me,i haven't use my moses rod for anything other than urinating", oya talk he commanded, i said "yes,i will,it is our neighbor a owner of the pot that said we should eat it all the sweet food,were you the one that cook it,bros the food was so sweet eh,bros you tight o". My brother shouted "shut up,you rattus rattus." As he was about hitting me,i ran out shouting help! help!!. My neighbor asked "what is it"? I said Castration o! Castration o!!. He started running too. after a while, i went to his house,uncle neighbor even you wae don born 8 children still the fear castration? He smiled and replied (pointing) to his manhood,"this is my joystick,i so value whatever gives me joy cum pleasure". Hahahahaha.

MY NAME IS ZEDICUS PIRO AND YOU KNOW SAY WORDS NO BE PROBLEM