MY PHONE AND I

I woke up this morning after some hours with God asking for the forgiveness of my sin in areas and advance, a thought came in Zedicus Piro have you really asked yourself who you are and how you came to this world? I took some time and reflected on that,i was inspired as a little voice said to me "look at yourself in the mirror, what do you see ? Yourself right , that's who you are, who you're is the image of God, you mirror God and came to this world to multiply the goodness of God". I was inspired and said thank you holy spirit.

I carried my phone and power it ON,a message entered immediately, "be our guest as we wed today in i chop i chop ministry". I ignored it because it was too prompt but few minutes later an apology for the late message entered too,so i forgave as a gentle Godly man and made up my mind to attain the wedding.

I tried to type back,"noted, i will be there but any keyword i touched was changing to W, i rebooted the phone and tried to type again but it was still having same reaction from my keyboard. I got angry and continued typing. I pressed the next keyword it changes to E, pressed again it brought out D then displayed the word WED.

I was confused and wondered if its Arsenal Fans and Girls that i criticized that have turn to spirits to manipulate my phone. I tried to delete the message but it added another word PLEASE and it became PLEASE DO WED. I spoke out is this phone okay today at all, the phone replied on the screen I JUST CARE. I said to hell with your sanctimonious care it replied BROS NO VEX. I said lemme go brush my teeth self and go out, it replied on the screen again BRUSH YOUR MOUTH NOT TEETH TO AVOID ODOUR .

I sigh and left the strange phone there lying like Buhari in Hospital bed. After i took my bath and wore my cloths ready to attain the invited wedding. I carried the phone from the bed,my fingers touched the screen and it displayed BROS YOU LOOK GOOD. I smiled and said thank you it replied YOU ARE WELCOME BUT PLEASE DO WED I MEAN MARRY. I sigh and said you are a it. My phone replied YOU WILL DIE A BACHELOR.

I inserted the phone with anger in my pocket,it rang aloud BE EASY WITH ME. I stride with my disappointment long legs and arrived the wedding. My friends asked what happened you are late? I said some complications and traffic jamb my dearest friends. My phone replied from my pocket LIAR. i hit it with my left hand it echoed aloud YOU WANT KILL ME. My friends looked at me with amazement and asked Zedicus Piro what's going on? I said never mind, let's enter the church.

The wedding got to the section of marital vows, The I chop I chop Pastor said "this church is too boring, the ministry of i chop i chop cant be this bored,i want to break some protocols by asking that we laugh a bit, I know this is not part of the marital proceeding but as the chief officiating priest i want it,therefore i call on Zedicus Piro to come give us some jokes." The congregation clapped but i was still seated . I whispered to my friend am not prepared for this but they say go on Words No Be Problem. When i heard Words No Be Problem i was arouse like a pastor that heard one million Naira for seed sowing.

While working towards the pulpit i remembered my problematic troublesome phone and returned to drop it with my friend but the pastor said young man don't keep me waiting bring the phone here before someone will steal it there. I spoke on a low tone that person will do be a great help. I said aloud pastor there is need to drop this phone but he insisted i take it out with me.

I went and got the mic before i could say My Name is Zedicus Piro And You Know Say Words No Be Problem, the phone echoed NA LIE, i spoke ladies and gentle today is a great day in the life of this couple, my phone echoed again WHEN IS YOUR OWN GREAT DAY. Pastor said excuse me young man, how many of you are talking ? my phone replied PASTOR SHUT UP,YOU TOO LIKE OFFERTORY. Pastor said Zedicus Piro did you come here to insult me , My phone still replied NO VEX,COME COLLECT TITHE . I said Pastor am so sorry but i told you lemme drop this phone but you won't listen. The female usher came and shouted gimme the Mic now. My Phone echoed KEEP QUIET,DAY TIME YOU USHER FOR CHURCH,NIGHT TIME YOU USHER MEN IN BETWEEN YOUR LEGS.

My friend wedding said Zedicus Piro please don't spoil my wedding go back to your seat. I was demonstrating she shouldn't talk because the phone will reply but women will always menstruate in the mouth. She repeated again, don't tell me to stop go back to your seat, My Phone replied her ASHAWO HOW THE WEDDING THE GO NA. I walked quietly and sat down,my friends were asking what's going on,this is unlike you , I said brethren there are Complications.

The wedding ended after all rites fulfilled and it was time for photograph. I waited beside a car watching them taking Facebook don suffer pictures. Some friends soon came and begged they used my phone and snap with the couple, i hesitated to give them but they insisted so i gave it to them and instructed whoever is snapping shouldn't talk.

She snapped the first shot,snapped the second shot and said Zedicus Piro this your phone is not bright , brethren Na so trouble start o , My Phone replied her YOUR FATHER, NA YOUR FUTURE NO BRIGHT. My phone began MC work o, OYA NEXT PHOTOGRAPH COUPLE WITH SOCIAL MEDIA FRIENDS, they rushed and snapped. it announced again COUPLE WITH EX LOVERS ,no one came out, it Repeated again COUPLES WITH EX LOVERS COME OUT FAST AM UNDER THE SUN, no one still came, my phone said UNA NO ONE COME OUT ABI,IF YOU HEAR YOUR NAME COME OUT, ZEDICUS PIRO, COME OUT, GCOW COME OUT ,PASTOR COME OUT,PASTOR DAUGHTER COME OUT,CHOIR MASTER COME OUT, IN FACT IF WORDS NO BE YOUR PROBLEM COME OUT HERE.

I stood quietly where i was, the phone continued the MC work, COUPLE WITH BEAUTIFUL GIRLS, girls moved quickly and line up, My Phone Spoke angrily I DID NOT SAY UGLY GIRLS COME OUT, YOU IN THE MIDDLE AND BESIDE PLEASE GET OUT AND WAIT FOR YOUR TURN. The Phone announced again COUPLE WITH MAKEUP ARTIST, the whole girls came out ,My phone said POVERTY BAD O,SEE LEGION. The Phone announced again COUPLES WITH GIRLS WITH PADDED NYASH, no one came out, My Phone repeated itself couples with girls wearing padded nyash. Only one girl came out,my phone exclaimed YOUR SINCERITY WILL TAKE YOU ABOVE HOTEL ROOMS,THE REST WHAT ARE YOU WAITING,OYA IF YOU HEAR YOUR NAME MOVE TO THE RIGHT, PASTOR WIFE TO THE RIGHT,BRIDE OF THE DAY FOLLOW HER ,BRIDE MAMA MOVE OUT , INFACT THE WHOLE BRIDAL TRAIN MOVE VERY FAST.

We arrived then arrived the reception venue ,I was already hungry, the reception was speedily done and it got to item 7. The usher asked what i will eat, i told her Rice. My phone spoke from the pocket BROS I GO SEE FOOD EAT FOR HERE SO,ABEG USHER BRING ONE PLATE OF GOAT MEAT IF E NO THERE CONVERT IT TO RECHARGE CARD.